The Yearning

Heather Darling,

Who doesnt want a family? I mean sure, no one wants a family quite like the one they had, but we are optimistic that our children will love us more than we our parents and we wont be quite as uncool and overbearing.

The older I get the more I realize how much having children will change my life. How my friends will only be their friends parents. How much of my time will revolve around just keeping they alive. When I spoke to my friend Rebekah and she was overjoyed to be out alone with out her 16 month old. (First child) just to be able to go shopping sans ensemble is a joy, it made be so thankful for my life without children.

But i know what you mean. I feel the call. It not terribly strong yet, but imagine as you say, it gets louder over years.

And as far as were concerned, were outside the norm thus far, I wouldnt give us up as goners yet.

I love you too.

Dear Tina,

I don't understand why everyone on the shows I watch has to be pregnant?

Dude, seriously?

I tried to explain to Scott that at my age the closest thing I feel to peer pressure is the wanting to have kids. I KNOW that I am not ready to be responsible for another human being in my heart of hearts, but I really feel the pressure of my hormones and just the peer pressure. I DO NOT understand how people fight this pressure! This is where we really have the difference in our ages. I envy you your youth and your time to make this decision.

And I'm old enough to know that this will change our friendship. I don't want that. I want things to always feel the same between us, but this pressure... You don't know. When I am free to think about it, it's all that I think about. In the weirdest, oddest times..... I kind of think that our spring fling is going to be when I coincide... Well.

I'm just ready... And the thing is that is that it's totally the wrong time in my life and maybe it will be the biggest heartbreak in my life... But, Tina -- it's like falling in love. This feeling of knowing that I want a family and knowing that I am capable of being part of creating life. It's just incredible.

But, I think I'm just hormonal and drunk.

Who knows?

love you!

Heather

Never tell anyone that you're writing a book, going on a diet, exercising, taking a course, or quitting smoking. They'll encourage you to death.
- Lynn Johnston

What, twice in one week?

So, im not so sure whats wrong with being bitchy. I mean. it is who we are. We do not try to hide who we are. Sure, maybe we would like to be nicer people. In quiet moments, maybe we strive to be kinder, but when the fit hits the shan, we are who we is and this pages is about me and you and those who enjoy the show so... feed em grits.
I am so on a bend right now because I am so over people who lecture me about being nice and then are critical or fail at routine politeness. Im like hello, things like saying thank you and not mentioning ever single time you screw something up, goes towards that whole being a nice person thing, not just not saying the first derisive thing that comes to mind. Just because my mind is conditioned to be trite.
Anyway, enough about work.
We switched bedrooms with denise. She was sleeping on the sofa. I dont remember if i told you that or not.
Something about sleeping in the bed where she used to sleep with kenny. Made her depressed. Cant imagine. jj/k
so now we have time master suite complete with king size bed. I am so going to be spoilt.

love you.

I remembered I was supposed to blog about my hangover!

So, how drunk could I have been...? I mean, I'm not even hungover -- what a waste, ha ha.

I don't know. It was a strange night. I mean, strange. Weird mix of people who didn't know each other.

I think part of the reason that I don't blog anymore is because all of the bitchy things that we say to each other is in private when we're just talking. But if we're saying bitchy things on the internet -- well, then we're just bitches.

And if we're not saying bitchy things -- then WHAT are we blogging about?! Julia says the blogs need themes. This is when she was on her "let's get a blog together" roll -- but, maybe she's right? Maybe we need a theme for our blog.

Oh and anyway -- I haven't read The Tipping Point so I couldn't have recommended The Outliers either. I talked about this: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/cool/ <-- which I can't get the hyperlink for, but it was that merchants of cool thing that you said you already saw.

I do have to say though that your interest in sociology has renewed my own interest and I'm actually excited to start my Cultural Anthropology class in the Spring. Even if it is a 100 level class. ;-)

Rebecca and her husband Keith joined in with Tom and John and gave Scott a renewed WOW interest. I should have lots more time to blog now...

love ya!

Its that time of year again...

okay so im gonna post. Today is the last day of 2008. I can't remember for sure but I feel like on the last day of 2007 we were ringin in the new year at your house and I am sad because I am fairly certain we would be there today if we were not 1000 miles away.

New Years Resolution of the Krafts: Become more socially aware. We are going to pick one book by an author from either the Colbert Report or The Daily Show each month, and read it. I remember you said Scott didnt like the Tipping Point but did like Outliers. I meant to get deeper into that discussion but never did. I dont know that I necessarily agree with the Tipping Point but there were several things that I got to thinking about while reading it. Thats more why I like it than anything else. Blues Clues over Sesame Street. Broken Window Theory and its applications in other circles. Internal responsibility over social (stimuli)reponsibilty. These are things I have been very interested in recently. The other book I got at B&N was, as I told you, why our generation is really the first who "can be anything they want" an chooses to be nothing at all. And it cant be as simple as because we dont have to work for anything. I mean that has part and parcle im sure but its got to be deeper. Anyways.

We have mice. Well, perhaps had. I caught two of them this morning. I was so stoked. I took them down the road and let them out of the coffee can where I had put them to take them out of the house (ryan and neither one could bring ourselves to by killing traps) and one of them charged me. It was the funniest thing. This little mouse, no bigger than a tree frog, and he was gonna show me. So cute. They dont bother me if you can tell. Only spiders. Well i dont care for roaches either.
Anyways.

Chapter two of Sex Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, Chuck creates a Sims of himself to discover the deeper meaning of life. Deeper into the project and line one of the chapter:
I am not a benevolent God. I am watching myself writhe in a puddle of my own urine, and i offer no response. I have not eaten or slept for days. I am the master, I am the puppet. i am not the type of person who still plays video games.

I love this book.

Frustration

We just got the brochure for Ryans company's healthcare plan. The deductible is $1500 per person. They dont even pay prescriptions until you meet the deductible. Then its $3000 for the family. So were like since theres two of us does that mean we have to meet $3000 before they will pay for Rx's?!?!

My migraine Rx's alone are $400.00 each.

So we pay $100.00+ a month for insurance then $3000.00 out of pocket before they will cover anything and then they only cover 80%?!

I think im gonna go drown myself in the tub.