I've got an offer to co-author a blog with Julia -- are you taking off or what?
Because I am one hot commodity right now... :)
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
Thank you Tina -- I'd kill a dragon for YOU!
Tina you have no idea how much happiness you have brought me bringing me the sad, melodramatic songs of my youth.
If you would only read those vampire books, then you would understand what I say that I wish we were werewolves and you see inside my head.
I just replayed Troy. I don't know that if it will ever resonate for you the way that it did for me and my friends in high school. And still today, only because of those memories, I suppose. But, even some of my more grown up memories of forbidden moments, well...
You should have left the light on.
And now that I can look at the song from an older perspective... I just looked up her bio on Wiki, so she was 21 when that song was written.
In high school, Miss Pleasants used to make us write fifteen minute essays for English. She gave us a topic and we had to run on as much as we could in those fifteen minutes. I remember once I dissected How Beautiful by the Cure. I suppose because those words were on my mind for whatever reason. But, really, if there was ever a melodramatic theme to my high school existence, it was definitely Troy.
You see, Troy is the at first whistful then raging keen of a woman who has had a taste of a forbidden love. Even though she knew that she shouldn't have it. Even though she tried to prevent it. (I interpret it this way, anyway.) Well, maybe not tried to prevent it, but at least didn't think she would be in a position for it happen.
And she's very angry. But I think she doesn't know if she is angry at him or herself. I mean, sure -- he should have left the light on, but she could have turned it on, right?
I'm so obsessed, I'm playing it again while I write this.... It gets a hold on me when I hear it again. It snakes in my head and I just want to hear it over and over again.
I think it's like this. They were alone, she put the moves on him. He wasn't supposed to know that she had these feelings. He claimed to share the feelings, but really didn't. He just used her. Or did he? That's the problem.
She doesn't know.
But the Phoenix references are obviously that he badly burned her but she's like fuck you -- I'm going to get SO over you!
She doesn't.
Or she wouldn't have written the song.
After all, you don't just forget someone that you would have killed a dragon for, do you?
Anyways, I realize now that Troy was one of my litmus tests. All of my closest friends loved this song. It was like they had to rage along with the crappy tape deck version of the song in order to be allowed in.
Don't worry. I don't have the same test now. You can not like the song and we'll still be okay.
But, it definitely helps.
If you would only read those vampire books, then you would understand what I say that I wish we were werewolves and you see inside my head.
I just replayed Troy. I don't know that if it will ever resonate for you the way that it did for me and my friends in high school. And still today, only because of those memories, I suppose. But, even some of my more grown up memories of forbidden moments, well...
You should have left the light on.
And now that I can look at the song from an older perspective... I just looked up her bio on Wiki, so she was 21 when that song was written.
In high school, Miss Pleasants used to make us write fifteen minute essays for English. She gave us a topic and we had to run on as much as we could in those fifteen minutes. I remember once I dissected How Beautiful by the Cure. I suppose because those words were on my mind for whatever reason. But, really, if there was ever a melodramatic theme to my high school existence, it was definitely Troy.
You see, Troy is the at first whistful then raging keen of a woman who has had a taste of a forbidden love. Even though she knew that she shouldn't have it. Even though she tried to prevent it. (I interpret it this way, anyway.) Well, maybe not tried to prevent it, but at least didn't think she would be in a position for it happen.
And she's very angry. But I think she doesn't know if she is angry at him or herself. I mean, sure -- he should have left the light on, but she could have turned it on, right?
I'm so obsessed, I'm playing it again while I write this.... It gets a hold on me when I hear it again. It snakes in my head and I just want to hear it over and over again.
I think it's like this. They were alone, she put the moves on him. He wasn't supposed to know that she had these feelings. He claimed to share the feelings, but really didn't. He just used her. Or did he? That's the problem.
She doesn't know.
But the Phoenix references are obviously that he badly burned her but she's like fuck you -- I'm going to get SO over you!
She doesn't.
Or she wouldn't have written the song.
After all, you don't just forget someone that you would have killed a dragon for, do you?
Anyways, I realize now that Troy was one of my litmus tests. All of my closest friends loved this song. It was like they had to rage along with the crappy tape deck version of the song in order to be allowed in.
Don't worry. I don't have the same test now. You can not like the song and we'll still be okay.
But, it definitely helps.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Happiness
Heather says:
I hope you understand that I felt more comfortable responding over here, on the more heathen side of things. I feel weird posting on your other blog. Like I'm going to make it burst into flames with my heathen-ness or something.
No, that's not true. It's really that while I do not share you and your friends' religious views, I try not to be overly offensive or out of line. Your beliefs are your beliefs, so....
But -- as Carrie would say -- I guess I can't help but wonder how you reconcile these beliefs with your heathen relationships. You purposefully pull people, like me and Ryan, into your lives and give us priority. Knowing that this priority will give you much conflict in your belief system. Do you enjoy the struggle? The angst that is the quarter life crisis??
And when you make the statement that the price you pay for a happy home is me -- I can't understand this. You are interchanging the words husband and home. Where goes your husband that is your home. But to the average reader, home means something different. It is a place where you can relax and be yourself and let your hair down.
And screw that noise about messy kitchens -- when a woman's house is messy it's a sign that she's having a LIFE.
You're missing something. You could take the lessons, you could do many things. What are you afraid of? It's not a messy kitchen.
Tina, you are not even 30 yet. You're not dead. There is room in your life for you AND Ryan to be happy, but you both have to be willing to make compromises. And you have to be honest with yourself about what you're afraid of and what you really want. Why ARE you married to and friends with these heathen people? Why are you so willing to sacrifice your own contentment and satisfaction and just lay down?
This is what pumps me up -- I'm sure you have heard it...
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
----from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson.
Anyways, I love you girl. You're going to figure this out, even Kenfricktuckiana. You'll find your way. Again, you're not even 30 yet -- you have a few years to figure it out. And if you get hit by a bus tomorrow, well you weren't meant to figure it out anyways. :)
I hope you understand that I felt more comfortable responding over here, on the more heathen side of things. I feel weird posting on your other blog. Like I'm going to make it burst into flames with my heathen-ness or something.
No, that's not true. It's really that while I do not share you and your friends' religious views, I try not to be overly offensive or out of line. Your beliefs are your beliefs, so....
But -- as Carrie would say -- I guess I can't help but wonder how you reconcile these beliefs with your heathen relationships. You purposefully pull people, like me and Ryan, into your lives and give us priority. Knowing that this priority will give you much conflict in your belief system. Do you enjoy the struggle? The angst that is the quarter life crisis??
And when you make the statement that the price you pay for a happy home is me -- I can't understand this. You are interchanging the words husband and home. Where goes your husband that is your home. But to the average reader, home means something different. It is a place where you can relax and be yourself and let your hair down.
And screw that noise about messy kitchens -- when a woman's house is messy it's a sign that she's having a LIFE.
You're missing something. You could take the lessons, you could do many things. What are you afraid of? It's not a messy kitchen.
Tina, you are not even 30 yet. You're not dead. There is room in your life for you AND Ryan to be happy, but you both have to be willing to make compromises. And you have to be honest with yourself about what you're afraid of and what you really want. Why ARE you married to and friends with these heathen people? Why are you so willing to sacrifice your own contentment and satisfaction and just lay down?
This is what pumps me up -- I'm sure you have heard it...
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
----from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson.
Anyways, I love you girl. You're going to figure this out, even Kenfricktuckiana. You'll find your way. Again, you're not even 30 yet -- you have a few years to figure it out. And if you get hit by a bus tomorrow, well you weren't meant to figure it out anyways. :)
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Reliving the songs of my youth...
Heather says:
Tina has been trying to hook us up with a play list for our site. It's supposed to be made up from a cd that I made her -- that she LOST -- of songs I think "she should know." Well, I'm really not a music afficianado. I just have the songs from my youth, mostly... Some of those, I don't think I would have have said she should KNOW, but as I try to recreate mixed tapes of my youth, here are some songs and what not that were staples. Julia is a regular reader and I guarantee she will help with a comment or two of either songs that I forced her to listen to OR songs that she mixed taped me that I remembered liking. After all, she is how I even knew who the Beautiful South were and really Sail this Ship Alone and Love Song to Nobody don't even compare to each other, much less to 36B.
And while I could never regularly listen to the songs of my younger years that I found "important" because they are so fucking depressing, these are still some of my favorite songs of all time. From then until I can last remember paying attention to music before just listening to NPR, in no particular order to be edited from time to time...
Troy Sinead O'Connor... I'll remember it Dublin in a rainstorm
... But also Just like you said it would B, I want your (hands on me), I am Stretched on your grave (note: I will never forget the beat of that song once I hear the title... ), and again... Most of the album I Do Not Want what I haven't got is primo stuff -- just cuts a hole in your gut thinkign about the teen angst that it riles up
How Beautiful You Are the Cure ... actually lots of Cure songs, but mostly more obscure ones like Love Cats, Why Can't I Be You?, Closer (the riff will ALWAYS make me think of that Sam Montage video), 10:15 on a Saturday night (drip, drip, drip...)
White Rabbit Jefferson Airplane
Vincent Don McClean... you know him because of american pie, but Vincent is the reason that Katrina and I are friends
book of Love don't know who but true cheese and just fabulous
Sea of Love.. the Robert Plant version, not the Honey Drippers
so many Smiths songs... some of my favorites are Stop Me if You think you've heard this one before, last night I dreamt that somebody loved me, unhappy birthday, paint a vulgar picture (which is very long, but you forgive it because they use words like sycophantic and who talks that??); "panic" has other lines often quotes, as well as sheila take a bow... actually, now that I look at the playlist from louder than bombs I love every single one in its own way
lots of enya songs... I used to be a HUGE fan... but only of the Watermark album I could just never get into the rest Evening Falls was frequently included on mix tapes as a segue as well as On Your Shore. ESPECIALLY, if i had a crush on you. ::: swooning::: THAT song is like the James Garner/whatsherface part of The Notebook what it does to me. Has always made me believe in forever
Indigo Girls... especially their version of Romeo & Juliet and then the song they're most known for Galileo but the song they are most known for on my road trips is Moment of Forgiveness
Another Katrina song and I am too tired/drunk to remember the title/artist but the gist of the title is that "it feels so good, feeling good again" -- that song has gotten me through a lot of hard times
In fact, on the mixed cd she copied for me the other song following it is "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins and that helps too
Also, don't know the artist but Build Me Up, Buttercup or whatever that is called -- no matter how bad a mood I am in, I can usually get out of it with that song
Also, Journey, Don't Stop Believing
ABBA Dancing Queen, Money, Money, Money, Fernando, Thank You for the Music, Does Your Mother Know?
Bee Gees Staying Alive, How Deep is your love?
If I can't have you off of the Saturday Night Fever album
Pink - Just Like a Pill, Get this Party Started, Family Portrait
Billy Joel... Oy, where to start? Downeaster Alexis, Innocent Man, We didn't start the fire, And so it goes...
No Doubt... Bathwater, Ex-Girlfriend, Spiderwebs, Just a Girl
the song from our wedding Forever... "not talking about a year, no not three or four...."
Van Morrison... Moon Dance, of course, but OUR song is Someone Like You
Anyways. Tina OUR song is always going to be Since You've Been Gone... Ironic, but there you go.
Until I'm sober and interested enough to add more...
Tina says: This is what I am doing until I am BORED enough to do more! LOL
Tina has been trying to hook us up with a play list for our site. It's supposed to be made up from a cd that I made her -- that she LOST -- of songs I think "she should know." Well, I'm really not a music afficianado. I just have the songs from my youth, mostly... Some of those, I don't think I would have have said she should KNOW, but as I try to recreate mixed tapes of my youth, here are some songs and what not that were staples. Julia is a regular reader and I guarantee she will help with a comment or two of either songs that I forced her to listen to OR songs that she mixed taped me that I remembered liking. After all, she is how I even knew who the Beautiful South were and really Sail this Ship Alone and Love Song to Nobody don't even compare to each other, much less to 36B.
And while I could never regularly listen to the songs of my younger years that I found "important" because they are so fucking depressing, these are still some of my favorite songs of all time. From then until I can last remember paying attention to music before just listening to NPR, in no particular order to be edited from time to time...
Troy Sinead O'Connor... I'll remember it Dublin in a rainstorm
... But also Just like you said it would B, I want your (hands on me), I am Stretched on your grave (note: I will never forget the beat of that song once I hear the title... ), and again... Most of the album I Do Not Want what I haven't got is primo stuff -- just cuts a hole in your gut thinkign about the teen angst that it riles up
How Beautiful You Are the Cure ... actually lots of Cure songs, but mostly more obscure ones like Love Cats, Why Can't I Be You?, Closer (the riff will ALWAYS make me think of that Sam Montage video), 10:15 on a Saturday night (drip, drip, drip...)
White Rabbit Jefferson Airplane
Vincent Don McClean... you know him because of american pie, but Vincent is the reason that Katrina and I are friends
book of Love don't know who but true cheese and just fabulous
Sea of Love.. the Robert Plant version, not the Honey Drippers
so many Smiths songs... some of my favorites are Stop Me if You think you've heard this one before, last night I dreamt that somebody loved me, unhappy birthday, paint a vulgar picture (which is very long, but you forgive it because they use words like sycophantic and who talks that??); "panic" has other lines often quotes, as well as sheila take a bow... actually, now that I look at the playlist from louder than bombs I love every single one in its own way
lots of enya songs... I used to be a HUGE fan... but only of the Watermark album I could just never get into the rest Evening Falls was frequently included on mix tapes as a segue as well as On Your Shore. ESPECIALLY, if i had a crush on you. ::: swooning::: THAT song is like the James Garner/whatsherface part of The Notebook what it does to me. Has always made me believe in forever
Indigo Girls... especially their version of Romeo & Juliet and then the song they're most known for Galileo but the song they are most known for on my road trips is Moment of Forgiveness
Another Katrina song and I am too tired/drunk to remember the title/artist but the gist of the title is that "it feels so good, feeling good again" -- that song has gotten me through a lot of hard times
In fact, on the mixed cd she copied for me the other song following it is "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins and that helps too
Also, don't know the artist but Build Me Up, Buttercup or whatever that is called -- no matter how bad a mood I am in, I can usually get out of it with that song
Also, Journey, Don't Stop Believing
ABBA Dancing Queen, Money, Money, Money, Fernando, Thank You for the Music, Does Your Mother Know?
Bee Gees Staying Alive, How Deep is your love?
If I can't have you off of the Saturday Night Fever album
Pink - Just Like a Pill, Get this Party Started, Family Portrait
Billy Joel... Oy, where to start? Downeaster Alexis, Innocent Man, We didn't start the fire, And so it goes...
No Doubt... Bathwater, Ex-Girlfriend, Spiderwebs, Just a Girl
the song from our wedding Forever... "not talking about a year, no not three or four...."
Van Morrison... Moon Dance, of course, but OUR song is Someone Like You
Anyways. Tina OUR song is always going to be Since You've Been Gone... Ironic, but there you go.
Until I'm sober and interested enough to add more...
Tina says: This is what I am doing until I am BORED enough to do more! LOL
Thursday, August 28, 2008
So where is this great post about Karen?
Heather says:
Here's part of it. Monday night they came over and we were having some wine. And they got into over something. Something about cooking.
Steve drunkenly said that maybe she should take of dinner for the rest of the week if she felt that way. (Whatever that way was, fuzzy memory -- surprise!) And she got very offended and she said I don't like it when you talk to me like that and that's very upsetting. And he said well, I'm just saying that maybe you should take care of it. And she got very huffy and said (and I wrote this part down so I would be sure to remember it) -- don't threaten me with having to cook! I'll show you, I just won't eat!
And the thing is... I think she would do it.
I'm sure it was funnier at the time but just to hear the words "don't threaten me" associated with cooking dinner. I almost peed my pants. I mean, I don't feel threatened when I have to make dinner -- I know the phone number to Papa John's! :)
Heather says:
Here's part of it. Monday night they came over and we were having some wine. And they got into over something. Something about cooking.
Steve drunkenly said that maybe she should take of dinner for the rest of the week if she felt that way. (Whatever that way was, fuzzy memory -- surprise!) And she got very offended and she said I don't like it when you talk to me like that and that's very upsetting. And he said well, I'm just saying that maybe you should take care of it. And she got very huffy and said (and I wrote this part down so I would be sure to remember it) -- don't threaten me with having to cook! I'll show you, I just won't eat!
And the thing is... I think she would do it.
I'm sure it was funnier at the time but just to hear the words "don't threaten me" associated with cooking dinner. I almost peed my pants. I mean, I don't feel threatened when I have to make dinner -- I know the phone number to Papa John's! :)
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Dieting Dilemnas
Tina says:
So as you know, ten year reunion is in November. This has got me seriously thinking about dieting. I feel heavier than usual and I have been carrying consistently an extra 5-7 lbs. since I gained back the weight I lost when I was on the daily migraine stuff and couldnt eat anything.
This is my problem. As soon I think about seriously dieting/exercising, whatever, I hear Ryan in my head asking me what the hell I care what those people think. Which, yes, this is a good point, and generally, I'm not vain but something about those people and high school makes me want to look good.
I didnt have any high school trauma, I dont have anything to prove mind you, I just want to look good.
So here is my problem. Not only does my husband, whom I love and adore and have no doubts about the verity and surety of his returning my feelings, not think I should care what those people think, he doesnt care what I look like. He married me for my mind and for who I am and who we are to each other and yada yada and sure he doesnt want me to get fat, but make up, no make up, skirt, heels, sweats makes no difference. And that bothers me. REALLY BOTHERS ME.
My question is should it? I mean gift horse right? In a way its safe knowing that he looks at pretty girls and thinks, "yeah but shes probably a moron" and thus doesnt really look look because he's not really interested.
But when weve sat around for three says in our pajamas and I finally get dressed and do my hair and my face and smell good and walk through the room looking for the TADA! and its not there, I cant help but feel like my horse has at hitch in its giddy-up.
Heather says:
You enjoy being a girl, as the song goes. I realize that you have this thing where Ryan is the center of the universe, walks on water, yadda yadda yadda... BUT, you are your own person. You were your own person before you met him. And at the end of the day, YOU like dressing up and not carrying around an extra 5-7 pounds. So, don't do it for him -- do it for you. You be the voice in your head.
And I'm not intending this as any slam against Ryan, so don't misunderstand. It's just that you have to have something for you. Great, he admires you for your brain -- but part of that brain is pre-occupied with shoes and how your hair would look cute if it were a certain way. We are girlie girls. And maybe he doesn't care about that stuff, but there was definitely a certain once upon a time when there a certain girl in a certain pair of boots that really had him going. So, whatever -- he doesn't care now, but it's in there.
You want to look good. And you know you can. Maybe you don't have anything to prove to anyone -- maybe it's just to yourself.
And why don't you ask him to make comments when you finally get out of your pajamas after (ew) 3 days?
Enter Tina who counters: Not the same P.J.s Ive showered in between!
You know he's not going to make the comments voluntarily, but if you have the "honey, it's really important to me when you..." And then reinforce that, you will get what you want. He loves you, he wants to make you happy. And you're definitely low-maintenance (I'm comparing to myself) -- I mean, it's not an ever moving target it's just "Must remember to tell wife she looks purty today."
BTW, I don't think that chocolate cake is a good step on your plan... :)
Tina says: Oh but I havent started yet!
So as you know, ten year reunion is in November. This has got me seriously thinking about dieting. I feel heavier than usual and I have been carrying consistently an extra 5-7 lbs. since I gained back the weight I lost when I was on the daily migraine stuff and couldnt eat anything.
This is my problem. As soon I think about seriously dieting/exercising, whatever, I hear Ryan in my head asking me what the hell I care what those people think. Which, yes, this is a good point, and generally, I'm not vain but something about those people and high school makes me want to look good.
I didnt have any high school trauma, I dont have anything to prove mind you, I just want to look good.
So here is my problem. Not only does my husband, whom I love and adore and have no doubts about the verity and surety of his returning my feelings, not think I should care what those people think, he doesnt care what I look like. He married me for my mind and for who I am and who we are to each other and yada yada and sure he doesnt want me to get fat, but make up, no make up, skirt, heels, sweats makes no difference. And that bothers me. REALLY BOTHERS ME.
My question is should it? I mean gift horse right? In a way its safe knowing that he looks at pretty girls and thinks, "yeah but shes probably a moron" and thus doesnt really look look because he's not really interested.
But when weve sat around for three says in our pajamas and I finally get dressed and do my hair and my face and smell good and walk through the room looking for the TADA! and its not there, I cant help but feel like my horse has at hitch in its giddy-up.
Heather says:
You enjoy being a girl, as the song goes. I realize that you have this thing where Ryan is the center of the universe, walks on water, yadda yadda yadda... BUT, you are your own person. You were your own person before you met him. And at the end of the day, YOU like dressing up and not carrying around an extra 5-7 pounds. So, don't do it for him -- do it for you. You be the voice in your head.
And I'm not intending this as any slam against Ryan, so don't misunderstand. It's just that you have to have something for you. Great, he admires you for your brain -- but part of that brain is pre-occupied with shoes and how your hair would look cute if it were a certain way. We are girlie girls. And maybe he doesn't care about that stuff, but there was definitely a certain once upon a time when there a certain girl in a certain pair of boots that really had him going. So, whatever -- he doesn't care now, but it's in there.
You want to look good. And you know you can. Maybe you don't have anything to prove to anyone -- maybe it's just to yourself.
And why don't you ask him to make comments when you finally get out of your pajamas after (ew) 3 days?
Enter Tina who counters: Not the same P.J.s Ive showered in between!
You know he's not going to make the comments voluntarily, but if you have the "honey, it's really important to me when you..." And then reinforce that, you will get what you want. He loves you, he wants to make you happy. And you're definitely low-maintenance (I'm comparing to myself) -- I mean, it's not an ever moving target it's just "Must remember to tell wife she looks purty today."
BTW, I don't think that chocolate cake is a good step on your plan... :)
Tina says: Oh but I havent started yet!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Tina -- I really hate this lay-out. Can you find something more us? I'll work on it <--- what do you think about this? We can change font colors but the red... ask you can see if you scroll down is terrible so I had to change it at least where it could be seen.
I'm still marinating about your geese...
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