Frustration

We just got the brochure for Ryans company's healthcare plan. The deductible is $1500 per person. They dont even pay prescriptions until you meet the deductible. Then its $3000 for the family. So were like since theres two of us does that mean we have to meet $3000 before they will pay for Rx's?!?!

My migraine Rx's alone are $400.00 each.

So we pay $100.00+ a month for insurance then $3000.00 out of pocket before they will cover anything and then they only cover 80%?!

I think im gonna go drown myself in the tub.

Dieting Dilemmas

Well not really dilemmas but it prefilled so...

Years ago when i was working at USAA I did the six week body make over with my desk mate. It works really well, but you have to eat every three hours and it involves quite a bit of cooking as you have to eat a protein (chicken, fish, shrimp or egg whites) and green vegetable (not legume) of a certain quantity at each of those intervals. You can have oatmeal or rice with breakfast but no salt, sugar, fat or any other carb.
You can have all the mustard, vinegar or spices you like, but olive oil, ketchup etc.

So, working at CVS, I cant just stop and eat whenever, and I dont spend that much time prepairing that much food. So I have been doing this:

Breakfast:
1/2 c steelcut oats (homecooked, not instant) with golden raisins, 1 tsp honey, 1 tsp peanut butter
3 egg whites w/ basil, garlic salt, etc.
1 cup coffee w/ splenda and creamer.

lunch:
Salad - as much as I care to eat
Romaine
carrotts, zucchini, radishes, peppers, onions
1 can tuna (water packed)
2 tblsp olive oil, 3 tblsp salad vinegar
one diet coke


snack:
snack pack carrots
sugar snap peas
bottled water


dinner:

boiled chicken
steamed veggies
tossed w/ olive oil (1-2 tblsp) and spices

or

more salad
and 1 cup of egg drop soup
(chicken broth and 1 egg white)

bottled water
glass wine (optional) or two!

So this is the third day of my second week.
Its kinda stringent, and im doing pretty well. The diet is optional on Sat and Sunday.
I will say that what I did eat this weekend made my stomach feel bad. And I only ate half my hamburger and was full.
Today they ordered papa johns for lunch in the pharmacy and that was really hard. I was starving too but I withstood.

I dont know what that would be on Fat Church points because I am not fluent in conversion. Maybe if you get a minute you can total it for me.
But really since you were getting back on the wagon I thought I might share my current plan of attack.

Hot New T-Shirts...

TINA: Found this...funnily enough on the theology blog I read. And people say christians dont have a sense of humor.

http://site.despair.com/despairwear/

What the...

My computer is ringing...
Not my phone, my computer. It started this morning and I thought it was my alarm clock so I just kinda shook it off and got in the shower.
But now, as I sit here reading my blogs and playing with my facebook, the ringing is most definitely coming from my computer speakers.
There are no programs running other than my web browser. So to put a bandaid on a bleeding artery, i plugged in my headphones.
AND THE DAMN THINGS ARE STILL RINGING!
Like once a minute.
What the ...?

Confession...

Tina: I called Michael.

There it is...its out.

Notice I didnt say I talked to Michael because I didnt. He didnt call me back. Which is kind of a good thing. Do you want to hear the whole story?

Who am I kidding of course you do. Are you done yelling yet?

So I saw this thing on TV a couple weeks ago that distinctly reminded me of him. And it wasn't just thinking it was like something flipped a switch and i couldnt stop. I would have dreams. I could feel him and smell him. And it was driving me nuts because I didnt want to. I didnt want to have these thoughts and feelings about anybody else. I was sick because I didnt want to have memories about anybody but Ryan. And i thought it might go away but after almost three weeks it still wouldnt. So I decided what I needed was closure.

I didnt tell anyone. No one was going to tell me that talking to him was a good idea. I just wanted to remember why i hated him as much as I cared. That he wasnt this sexual demigod only, which was all I could currently think about, he was this narcissitic man who used my naivete to feel better about his failing marriage. I had to grasp that he was human and flawed again. And I wanted to tell him that even though I wanted him at the time, I hated him for imbedding in my psyche. So I called him. And I left a message on his work voicemail.

And he didnt call. But it turns out, I didnt need him to. I only needed him not to be taboo. Because it all went away.

And now you know.

Well you and anyone else who reads our blog.


I request the month and however many days that it took you to finally post to respond to this.

Sheesh.

I mean, what am I going to say that you don't already know I'm going to say?! Oy.

Oy.

All I've got is oy.

I mean, I guess the question is -- is it really about Michael? (Ick, I hope not -- sorry -- but then I hope so too.) >> Where ARE you?

Tina, paging Tina...

I've got an offer to co-author a blog with Julia -- are you taking off or what?

Because I am one hot commodity right now... :)

Thank you Tina -- I'd kill a dragon for YOU!

Tina you have no idea how much happiness you have brought me bringing me the sad, melodramatic songs of my youth.

If you would only read those vampire books, then you would understand what I say that I wish we were werewolves and you see inside my head.

I just replayed Troy. I don't know that if it will ever resonate for you the way that it did for me and my friends in high school. And still today, only because of those memories, I suppose. But, even some of my more grown up memories of forbidden moments, well...

You should have left the light on.

And now that I can look at the song from an older perspective... I just looked up her bio on Wiki, so she was 21 when that song was written.

In high school, Miss Pleasants used to make us write fifteen minute essays for English. She gave us a topic and we had to run on as much as we could in those fifteen minutes. I remember once I dissected How Beautiful by the Cure. I suppose because those words were on my mind for whatever reason. But, really, if there was ever a melodramatic theme to my high school existence, it was definitely Troy.

You see, Troy is the at first whistful then raging keen of a woman who has had a taste of a forbidden love. Even though she knew that she shouldn't have it. Even though she tried to prevent it. (I interpret it this way, anyway.) Well, maybe not tried to prevent it, but at least didn't think she would be in a position for it happen.

And she's very angry. But I think she doesn't know if she is angry at him or herself. I mean, sure -- he should have left the light on, but she could have turned it on, right?

I'm so obsessed, I'm playing it again while I write this.... It gets a hold on me when I hear it again. It snakes in my head and I just want to hear it over and over again.

I think it's like this. They were alone, she put the moves on him. He wasn't supposed to know that she had these feelings. He claimed to share the feelings, but really didn't. He just used her. Or did he? That's the problem.

She doesn't know.

But the Phoenix references are obviously that he badly burned her but she's like fuck you -- I'm going to get SO over you!

She doesn't.

Or she wouldn't have written the song.

After all, you don't just forget someone that you would have killed a dragon for, do you?

Anyways, I realize now that Troy was one of my litmus tests. All of my closest friends loved this song. It was like they had to rage along with the crappy tape deck version of the song in order to be allowed in.

Don't worry. I don't have the same test now. You can not like the song and we'll still be okay.

But, it definitely helps.