So, we're planning a girl's weekend. And I really figured out my "issue" with Jen and wanted to share with you. I never knew there was an issue. But now that you mention it, I'm not really surprised.
Over our blog on the internet. SUPER private! Do you think that she reads this? Does she know you have an issue? By blogging about it arent you kinda hoping that she or one of the others finds out and confronts you and you have to yell, cry, kiss and make up about it?
Well, I don't think they know about this. They never even read my OTHER blog which they would have to know in order to know about this one. Besides, they know -- it's been said.
It's like this... In social groups, there are diads and triads and I found out that anything larger than 3 is just called a group. In the triad that is my relationship with Holly and Katrina, I am the connecting friend. I'm Carrie. Holly and Katrina are friends but through me. Whereas in any of the interactions that involve Jennifer, I'm on the outskirts. <--- Hello how do I feel when Holly and Katrina are both around! My narcissism can't really handle this. Lucky for me none of my friends really like each other all that much.
(Narcissism -- another great blog topic. I'm really getting concerned that I have this. Not in a kidding "it's all about me" way but in a -- I really think it's all about me!) <---- Is anyone not? Well that descends into needing to separate narcissism and selfishness... Coming Soon perhaps?
So, it's a hard adjustment. Jennifer really ignites my insecurities in a way that no one else ever has. I always feel like she's more fun, (but not as whistical) more intelligent (but not as witty) (that whole Ph.D. thing doesn't help) and then there's the skinny thing. (she lacks your great ASSets) The other girls have always been thin and when the three of them get together there is a fashion show aspect that I can never participate in. Left out.
I don't know. I like Jennifer in diad situations, but when the others come in I get so mired in feeling left out that I have a hard time just relaxing. Unless there's too much drinking and that's just bad too.
It's not something can be fixed over night. I just had this epiphany that it's about the number of people in the group. I am comfortable with diads and triads, but the way the quad-ads can splinter off makes me dislike them. Too much room for coupling off. But every time I propose any kind of girl time, they always want to include Jennifer and I feel bad for not suggesting it in the first place and just want to get over myself and fix this issue. But, it makes me feel like such a bitch for having a need to have just women with minimal kids and husbands. Especially since I am now the only one left who can still easily be in that scenario.
Thoughts?
Umm... I could help you bury the body. I like this, but I DO like her, so no need.
Seriously though, its a legit issue. Who wants to have someone around who makes you feel insecure. And its worse because shes a great person and you really like her.
You have a couple of options:
Tell H & K why you dont always include her. It may make you a bitch, but you might really just be admitting it, not being less of. They know you and love you, they may understand and not even be offended. Tell them that they leave you out.
Tell Jenn how you feel. Sometimes humbling yourself to another person who you envy has a very therapeutic/cathartic effect. She will be honored that you made yourself vulnerable, and be sensitive to your plight.
Make a habit of excusing yourself when they do things that make you insecure. Go read or call Julia or me or someone else who will let you bitch about it until you feel better.
Learn to accept the dynamic as it is. Face the pain, master the pain, decide to conquer it.
The thing that drives me the most nuts about hanging out with the crew that I used to hang out with in high school is that once it reaches a certain point, the planned activity is over or certain members join, I dont get to steer. Not just that, but avoiding the rocks is not even something that can be considered. So ... I jump ship. As often as I am bored or uncomfortable. It makes me unpopular, but I have have learned that I either live with the fact that I can hang with them and do what they want or I can not and do what I want.
Hide and suck your thumb.
I like this option! Seriously, though... This has been talked about. But then, time goes by and we don't have a quartet situation and I don't have to think about it. And it just gets more awkward as time goes by because of the childless whore aspect. But, that is the choice I have made and can't change it and I need to stop feeling like I have to apologize for it, huh?<---- Is that really the issue? That you are no propigating the species and therefore not an active member of society? Are you sure its not in your head? If its not, f*ck her.
Anyone else have any suggestions?
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