Happiness

Heather says:

I hope you understand that I felt more comfortable responding over here, on the more heathen side of things. I feel weird posting on your other blog. Like I'm going to make it burst into flames with my heathen-ness or something.

No, that's not true. It's really that while I do not share you and your friends' religious views, I try not to be overly offensive or out of line. Your beliefs are your beliefs, so....

But -- as Carrie would say -- I guess I can't help but wonder how you reconcile these beliefs with your heathen relationships. You purposefully pull people, like me and Ryan, into your lives and give us priority. Knowing that this priority will give you much conflict in your belief system. Do you enjoy the struggle? The angst that is the quarter life crisis??

And when you make the statement that the price you pay for a happy home is me -- I can't understand this. You are interchanging the words husband and home. Where goes your husband that is your home. But to the average reader, home means something different. It is a place where you can relax and be yourself and let your hair down.

And screw that noise about messy kitchens -- when a woman's house is messy it's a sign that she's having a LIFE.

You're missing something. You could take the lessons, you could do many things. What are you afraid of? It's not a messy kitchen.

Tina, you are not even 30 yet. You're not dead. There is room in your life for you AND Ryan to be happy, but you both have to be willing to make compromises. And you have to be honest with yourself about what you're afraid of and what you really want. Why ARE you married to and friends with these heathen people? Why are you so willing to sacrifice your own contentment and satisfaction and just lay down?

This is what pumps me up -- I'm sure you have heard it...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

----from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson.

Anyways, I love you girl. You're going to figure this out, even Kenfricktuckiana. You'll find your way. Again, you're not even 30 yet -- you have a few years to figure it out. And if you get hit by a bus tomorrow, well you weren't meant to figure it out anyways. :)